Sunday, 6 February 2011

Now....what happens now?

It has been a few days now and I keep expecting something.....no idea what.  There was all that build-up to the funeral and prior to that the disaster itself and now I am not sure what we are supposed to do.

I don't quite feel ready to move forward, yet find it too hard to look backwards so this leaves me wondering.

I still have moments of spontaneous tears at inappropriate moments which surprise me as much as those with me.  A kind message, twins in prams, twins anywhere (twin envy), children playing football (my DH dearly wanted to take the boys to play)....any of these things can prompt a breakdown and unfortunately they can appear around any corner or pop-up on any television programme.  Need to work on it I guess....need to work on a lot of things if I what to get back to work, and I do.....slouching around the house can only be fine to a point......

.....note to self, focus on healing the hole, the void left in my heart.  That doesn't mean stuffing it and hoping it will go away but more massage the edges until they aren't so sharp and don't cut you at every little thing.......that is the mission for this week I think......

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