'F' Day Minus 3

Funeral, Funeral, Funeral.....funeral?  Bad, this is going to be bad.  One of those 'one step forward ten back' moments.  Just when I felt like I can do this, I can move forward, big bad Friday is looming and my sons will be there, lying there.  Their first and only sleeping place will be a white, mini version of where we will all end up one day, be it sooner or later.  For my boys sooner, in fact before soon, before anything.  The money we had aside for the crib has paid for their coffin............all boxes, keepsake places.  

My husband, my poor husband, I can see his pain.  How could I do this too him?  As each day comes closer I see it, sheer sorrow.....sorrow that will never erase.

Will the funeral be closure?  I doubt it.  What I am learning is to live with this and be thankful.  It could be worse, people have worse things happen to them.....I just can't think of what just now.........all I can think is funeral, funeral, funeral.......