Three Little Boys & A Mum Without Sorority

I have three little boys, they are my sons.  They don't live with me right now, I will have to wait to see them.  This week I have mainly been missing my little man Gab.  It has been over 9 months since I lost the twins and Vincenzo and Benedetto provide me with a reassuring comfort, you get used to them not being here with you, little Gab was expected though.  I still have to get used to the fact that he wouldn't be staying either.

Naturally I had some time to prepare, and packed away the few bits that I had put to one side for him.  The amount of baby things I am accumulating now is still manageable but just very, very sad.  I have one room with packed baby things and another with the memory boxes, ashes and photos.  Two separate places......

The other strange thing is that I find myself in a fairly unique situation which makes me feel a little isolated.  The first time it happened you meet with many women that have suffered miscarriage and stillbirth and, as is human nature, you seek solace in the sonority that you form with ladies going through similar pain and talk your way through it.  

This time I can't find them, the other mothers that have multiple stillbirths.  I meet ladies with recurrent miscarriage, but that isn't the same, they simply pass their condolences and tell me that they 'can't imagine what I am going through', I wonder where the rare 'recurrent stillbirth' ladies are, are they even called 'recurrent stillbirths'?  I have no idea.  Do they go away and hide or maybe they get rubbed out of existence?  

Either way that's me now, and only they can full appreciate what we are going through, wherever they are, so unless I can find them I guess I have seek solace in my own company......