Thursday, 3 March 2011

Losing the Plot...where's the exit?

I think I might be losing the plot today.  I know I normally blog about the many internal ponderings that take place but today has been a matter of actions speaking louder than words.

It all started after I watched the latest episode of the Tudors and got me thinking (again!  I really should abstain from this bad hobby) about all of King Henry's wives and how many stillborn & miscarried babies he had and counted seven in total, Catherine of Aragon lost five children this way alone.  Yes.  I know we are talking 1510 here, a very long time ago.  But the feeling must have still been the same and the women didn't roll over and die then either (well some did but that was normally down to complications in child birth and/or subsequent infections) and so here I am wondering why, oh why, oh why, oh why, this perpertual rollercoaster doesn't give me a break.

With that whine I let loose and I went online and brought two ovulation kits, 6 pregnancy test kits, Folic Acid/Conception vitamins in bulk and a vow to go to the supermarket tomorrow and purchase some Soya Isoflavones......phew!  I'm exhausted just reading the list.


Now, at this stage you could be thinking "Well, nothing like being prepared" but I have to scream this out and say "PREPARED FOR WHAT EXACTLY?"  

Firstly I have no plan from the Consultants, therefore no go-ahead at all, hence a very impossible possibility of anything happening.  
Secondly I am petrified (or should that be terrified, which is stronger?) that the Consultants will tell me that this condition, disease, whatever, means I can't give birth and will thus render all the aforementioned shopping a waste of money and consequently end my life as I know it.  
Thirdly, why am I reading about Soya and other infertility treatments?  I was pregnant with twins for crying out loud so fertility is clearly not the issue!


I simply don't know what to do for the best and am fed-up with this whole thing, I really am.  So just stop, please world stop, I have had enough, I want to get off...........



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