Monday, 14 May 2012

Cautious or Reckless?

When you are young you have the ignorance of youth behind you and are generally reckless, carefree, ignorant and often appear uncaring and unsympathetic to others. I don't think that is the case. Ignorance protects us and there is lots of stuff that I wish I did not know but am grateful for knowing all the same, if that makes sense.


In the spirit of 'Pura Vida' culture, Costa Rica May 2012
Recklessness is born from ignorance because if we do not know and understand the true dangers, cannot understand what might happen, or simply choose not to believe that it will happen then we are still able to turn and simply ignore what don't know or we don't want to believe. 


This applies to all areas of life but holds so true for babyloss Mums. A loss brings to fruition and makes us feel punished for all the things we feel that we chose to ignore or didn't want to see. We put ourselves in the 'what if' scenario where a million things playback to us and we wonder if we hadn't done them if things would have turned out differently. 


A terrible burden of blame that weighs heavily on top of the loss and feeling of failure we are already suffering as Mothers. This is of course all natural as we grow older, the more 'stuff' we read, the more we learn, regardless as to whether in our particular situations we have any pre-existing conditions or any of the other million things that can interfere with a successful pregnancy and childbirth we probably still would not chose a bungy jump or would steer away from passive smoke in a room (just in case). 


I believe that we need to remember these things but also to accept the unknown. So rather than a question of reckless or cautious I think this needs to be more a balance between being aware and knowledgeable and the acceptance that a certain amount of chance remains a big part. To also be aware of our own ability to be accepting of all the things we cannot control and not become paranoid over the little things that we can. 


Most of all when we forget to look around and instead of being scornful of all those that will never know all the nasty things we do and sad things we have seen use those moments to remind ourselves how their lack of knowledge protects them and take those moments to remind ourselves of the importance of finding our own balance.  

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