Waiting for God

Yesterday I took my baby to sit in the sun.  I popped a sunbed in the garden and lifted my top above my bump.

I hope that my baby's little eyes could see the sun and feel the warmth through my belly and find it as much as a comfort as I do.

Three weeks ago I was signed off work and started waiting for God.  Yesterday while I was lying in the sun I talked to my baby, explaining how wonderful it would be if he stayed and how much I hoped that despite him growing slowly if he could just grow a little more before the placenta stops working I promise to take him/her to the seaside and see the sea which makes the sun even more spectacular.

I talked about how the noises we could hear were birds and what they looked like, especially the little Robin who is always around.

I told him/her that I was sorry that I didn't do more to get referred after this happened to the twins, that only now the doctors seem to recognise just how real a chance this had of coming back.  We should have been referred, my baby didn't need to be in this position now.  There are treatments that we could have followed.....if only the Doctors had actually listened....

I then prayed again that this would please turn out well.......because that is all we have left now.