Saturday, 24 September 2011

Day and Night

Sometimes there are no words to describe how it feels, I broke my placenta, again.  No emotion that can encompass the soul destroying nature of constantly having to face bad news.  

I wrote an entry a while back entitled 'Night and Day', I re-read it and remembered how it felt, I cherished every great scan we had and seeing my baby so happy inside me.

Early pregnancy, when everything was wonderful!
Night is back the storm arrived.  The Dopplers read 'absent flow' yesterday. We have been told there is nothing more we can do except wait and hope that somehow the baby will put on a little weight.  

So we back to waiting, being still, unmoving, scared to do anything go anywhere.  We are here, one more day.  We continue to fight, one more week. 

We received so many well wishers, ladies I have never met that have reached through cyberspace to send their prayers.  I thank them all.

I am strong because I know weakness,
I am compassionate because I have experienced suffering,
I am alive because I am a fighter,
I am wise because I've been foolish,
I can laugh because I have known sadness.
I can love because I've known loss.

Hold on little one - We love you xx

4 comments:

Catherine W said...

I am so sorry that you are facing this impossibly difficult time once again. Hoping and praying for you and for your little one, I hope that your baby will put on more weight. I know that he or she feels surrounded by love xo

bjarnason family said...

Claudia,

My heart aches for you and your family. 400 grams was our goal and you are there at 26 weeks, that is a positive, it took me 31+2 to get that far. We have learned that although these little ones are small those extra weeks matter so much as their brains and organs still continue to mature although they are dwarfed in size. The doctors would give us statistics all the time and then ask if we understood them. My degree is in math and my husband has a phd in computer science, so I would laugh and say yes we understand them. Here's what is important though, to have a statistic someone has to be the 1 in 100 or the 20 in 100 or whatever it is. So when they do this to you, you tell them, "We volunteer to be the 1 who makes it this time!" I will add you to our prayers and cross my fingers for you. I'll check back often to see how you are doing.

Denise

bjarnason family said...

I know the corner you are in, we had that conversation several times with our doctors, we continue to have it now. They did let me skip the glucose test though. I wish I could tell you that Aaron was doing well, he is not. We have been waiting on the cardiologists to make a decision either way about the CATH Lab. Aaron's liver is failing though and if it does not turn around shortly we will be saying goodbye. I'm a million miles away from you and hardly know you but I would love to give you a mighty big hug, cry some tears with you, and hold your hand through this. You are on my mind constantly!

Sherri said...

praying praying praying for you and your family! Hang in there sweet baby, and grow!
My thoughts are with you!

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