Batten down the hatches....

How can this be happening again?  It was all going so well then, last week the doppler checks showed that something is going wrong again.  The exact same thing is going wrong this time as it did with Vincenzo at this point last time.

I am 24 weeks and two days pregnant they want to deliver but the baby isn't big enough.  That viability question again, baby simply isn't big enough, estimated weight is 400gm.  Needs to be 500gm.  May not manage that extra 100gm before the placenta stops working entirely. I have maybe a couple of weeks, tops.

To say this happened once could be a fluke.  For it to happen twice at exactly the same point means that there is something seriously going wrong here.

I wait, to be referred again to Oxford.  

I pray, that the sickness I feel in my stomach I can push to one side just long enough so that I can eat so that maybe some of it will squeeze into the baby who is fighting so hard.  

I relax and think positive thoughts in the face of everything screaming at me inside the opposite.

I batten down the hatches.........a storm is coming.......a hurricane threatening to sweep away the perfect hope that I had nurtured inside me along with this little one.

Is my third child also destined to be a forever angel?  What an earth have I done to deserve this kind of punishment?