Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect your children on your way
I haven't been around for a while, I know and I'm sorry. Not that I haven't been sitting around doing nothing I have been up to an awful lot. Most of which is neither of interest nor concern for people that visit here, for the rest - well all I can say is that I don't want to allude to anything at this time. Let's just wait a bit longer.
So it is August. I had a rather uneventful Birthday this year but that falls in with all annual events really, they just don't hold the same meaning or excitement that they used to, the best present of all still hasn't arrived and until it does there is a little 'what is the point?' that goes through my head.
I dreamt I was in a game of Monopoly a few nights ago. I kept trying to go forward but each time I got about half the way around red lights starting flashing and the message 'Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect your children on your way' and I went backwards to start again. I couldn't get to the end and I woke up most frustrated.
No prizes for figuring that dream out, I do feel that I get halfway to then be pushed back to the start and of course I am not actually in jail but sometimes the stasis that I have found my life in for two years now could have been a type of jail if I hadn't ensured that it wasn't and did everything to make sure that I got up, that I didn't dwell and that I just got out there.
Small wins, that is what it is about. Remembering that lots of little things accumulate in the end. The big prize? Mayfair - with four hotels and a couple of kids but hey, we need to get past the halfway point before we can start thinking about that :)
So it is August. I had a rather uneventful Birthday this year but that falls in with all annual events really, they just don't hold the same meaning or excitement that they used to, the best present of all still hasn't arrived and until it does there is a little 'what is the point?' that goes through my head.
I dreamt I was in a game of Monopoly a few nights ago. I kept trying to go forward but each time I got about half the way around red lights starting flashing and the message 'Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect your children on your way' and I went backwards to start again. I couldn't get to the end and I woke up most frustrated.
No prizes for figuring that dream out, I do feel that I get halfway to then be pushed back to the start and of course I am not actually in jail but sometimes the stasis that I have found my life in for two years now could have been a type of jail if I hadn't ensured that it wasn't and did everything to make sure that I got up, that I didn't dwell and that I just got out there.
Small wins, that is what it is about. Remembering that lots of little things accumulate in the end. The big prize? Mayfair - with four hotels and a couple of kids but hey, we need to get past the halfway point before we can start thinking about that :)
I have no doubt that you will get your happy ending. Though things will always be a little sad, I'm sure that once you have a take home baby, the annual events will start having a point again xx
ReplyDeleteI think of you and your boys every time I see my butterfly charm on my purse. Still wishing for your rainbow xxx
ReplyDeleteI agree with on the birthday present and that the best present hasn't arrived:(
ReplyDeleteOther than for the dream I hope things are going okay for you. This multiple baby loss thing sure is a struggle.