Monday, 14 November 2011

The Road Less Travelled

Isle of Wight.
 I didn't write for a while but as the leaves continue to fall life rolls on and I went back to work.  Next week will mark six weeks and I am due for the dreaded debrief from the Hospital.  

I find that overwhelmingly this time the I only get the odd flash of the life before, a time before all this happened.  The time I get of guiltless, unburdened thought is fleeting and usually appears in the morning, as I wake.  I am gifted with a few seconds, not long, but for those moments where this didn't happen and I am not sad, forlorn, guilty, frustrated, lonely, mourning the loss of my boys.  But it all comes tumbling back and this day is the same as the day before.  Slowly, slowly I pull my weary body, mind and soul together and we plough on.

I am on the road less travelled and there is not turning back, no turning around.  My boys are with me often and I think of them throughout the day, I see their faces and can't help but wonder what I should be doing instead of hoovering or cleaning or on the phone at work.  But what I am doing is what I would be doing anyway 'loving them'

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference." -
Robert Frost

3 comments:

little vitu's mom said...

Thinking of you and your sweet sons always....

NewYearMum2.blogspot.com said...

My heart goes out to you... and hope that each day gets lighter for you. Love always xoxo

bjarnason family said...

I know this feeling all to well, especially when I think of the upcoming holidays. Each morning as I send the kids to school I come home and decide what I will do with my time alone. I can't help but think of what I should be doing, putting my baby down for a nap, feeding my baby, anything but be in a silent house.

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