Silent Love

and before I knew it two years have passed since my last post nearly seven years ago I lost my first twins.  It doesn't feel like seven years but then sometimes it does.  Perhaps time isn't even the same anymore.  I felt today that I needed to post this quote since it reflects how I felt in each of the pregnancies subsequent to the first.  I knew where the journey was leading.  looking back I embraced and welcomed every moment even though it felt like it was killing me to do so, each tiny stitch on the clothes I sewed that they would wear when they were born, each funeral I prepared, each urn I collected.  Yet I believe that doing this helped lead me to where I stand today. Last night I dreamt of Santino.  Dreaming of the boys who died is not uncommon.  Some dreams they are alive and playing with their living brothers but more often or not my mind takes me back to the moment.  The smells, the room, the Doctors, the hopelessness. Last night was just Santino.   I was bein