Ways I Remember

Funeral Favours

The funeral was another challenge.  I wanted to offer a token of thanks to the people that supported us on the day,  create a 'forget-me-not', a way people could remember them and also because my boys would never get a christening and so in a way, this stood in place of that as well.
I struggled for a word to describe these, Funeral Favour is as good as any I suppose but ‘Momento’ works as well.  Everyone that came on that day received a little bag, but what was inside?

• One blue organza favour bag printed with silver butterflies
• One small glass butterfly stitched to the bag
• One SANDS pin
• One blue, small, scented votive candle
• One name card with forget-me-nots on one side and their names and date of birth on the other
• SANDS Leaflet with information on where they could make a donation (we didn’t want flowers)

I made the same for Gabriele, this time slightly different contents:

• One green organza favour bag printed with gold stars
• One SANDS pin
• One packet of seeds with a sunflower, name and date-of-birth on one side and little message on the other starting 'grow me....'
• Little angel bear motif (the same as the one that I stitched onto his gown)
• One little mint green fabric bear (the same as I used as edging for his gown)
• One handmade charm

 Memory Boxes

The items that went into Vincenzo and Benedetto's coffin

In the scrabble to remember my sons one of the best suggestions that read about was to make a memory box.  I have also spoken to others and read about other ideas that can be used which have been helpful to me I thought that I would write them here and hope they help others.  The biggest trouble I had when I first started thinking seriously about making one was what memories did I have?  Stillbirth gave me the challenge that I had to make memories and this is how I have started to do it.....

The first memory box I was given was from the lovely midwives at the hospital.  A simple blue cardboard shoebox filled with leaflets, two teddies, photos and the name tags from my boys.  When I started to think about a lasting memorial to them the first thing I decided was that the box was not big enough and I wanted it to be in wood.  If I had been a real DIY person then I would have got to work but a). I don't a workshop and b). I remember how the last box I made in DT class at school turned out.  

Lucky for me I found sites out there that helped a quick search for 'Memory Boxes' brought back a plethora of results and special offers.

As I mentioned before, when it arrived I struggled to start with what to put in it.  Then I started to look back on the 25 weeks that the boys were with me, in me.  

Memory Cards: The silly, funny things that my husband and I did together came back, also the funny conversations I had with the boys, the places I went to the things I talked to them about.  I had some iridescent lilac card squares leftover from the wedding invitations that I thought would be ideal and have since then used them as 'Memory Cards'. Each time I think of something I write it down.  One example is 'Just before Christmas there was an episode of TOTP2 on TV playing the Christmas hits, I turned up the volume and sang each and everyone at the top of my voice so you could hear them'.

Flowers: We received some bouquets from friends and I have proceeded to take one flower from each to press and then I will add them to the box.

Everything Gabriele received

Sweets: One of my nieces had put aside two lollies for the twins when she came round, they have gone in the box.

Postcards and Cards: Every mention of the boys, in Christmas cards, postcards and also all the condolence cards all go in the box.

Photos: the photos of us that we are putting in the coffins are also duplicated in the memory boxes.  All their scan photos and the ones from the hospital are in there.

Teddies:  the teddies from the hospital are there.

I would be interested to hear of more ideas anyone has had, please share either by adding a comment or leaving a note in the guestbook.  I hope this gives a few ideas.